TMI
by CCroquette
Summary: Matthew unwittingly becomes a telepath for the day. Hijinks ensue.


De-anoning this one, for funsies!

* * *

><p>If Matthew had known what the day would be like, he would have just stayed in bed. No, scratch that. He would have built a secret bunker far below the surface of the Earth, with impenetrable steel doors and 20-foot-thick concrete walls surrounding his bed, in which he would have then stayed.<p>

However, since he had no idea what lay in store for him on this particular day, he instead did as he normally would. He got up, showered, dressed, and headed off to the world meeting.

* * *

><p>He stepped through the door or the conference room to see Arthur striding toward him, uniform pressed neatly and a mildly harried smile on his face. That was when it started.<p>

"Matthew! Good morning! We'll be conferencing in small groups today and presenting our ideas tomorrow. You're with me." _Of all the days to try boxer-briefs. These are so constricting! How does Francis do it? _

Matthew merely stared at him for a moment, as the words sank in. "Wait, what did you just say?"

"I said, we're meeting in small groups today. You are part of my group." _And itchy!_

"Oh. Okay. That's...good. You do that."

He shook his head to clear it - maybe he was hearing things. Or picking up a conversation from somewhere else in the room, thrown at him by weird acoustics. He sat down at one of the small tables, papers in hand, ready to get to work.

And then, a short time later, it happened again. Weary of economic analysis, he let his attention wander, and caught sight of Feliks and Francis arguing at the next table over.

Feliks tossed his hair, pouting. "Look, I like, totally get where you're coming from, but that's like, completely not feasible!" _OMG, this meeting better not run long. I had to reschedule that pedicure once already!_

Francis sighed and crossed his arms. "It will be a viable plan if the others agree to it." _I wonder what grape stomping feels like._

"Matthew, are you listening to me?" Arthur was looking at him sternly. _Perhaps if I move slowly I can scratch without anyone noticing._

Matthew blinked. "What? Yes. Yes, I'm listening." Listening all too well.

After a half an hour of more such bizarre incidents, he came to the inescapable conclusion - he was hearing other people's thoughts. The more he tried not to - the more he looked around the room for distraction - the more things he inadvertently found out.

Some of them weren't so bad. Elizabeta was making a list of things to do when she got home….

...one of which involved Roderich wearing her dress. And handcuffs. And a lacy - no! He wasn't thinking about that! He wasn't!

He resisted the urge to slam his head into the table and erase that particular image with blunt force trauma. Instead, he took a deep, calming breath and concentrated on Yong Soo, who seemed to be daydreaming fairly innocuously about being a pop star. This worked well until another thought cut in.

_Did I remember my knitting needles? It wouldn't do to be late tonight. I wonder if Mrs. Shcherbatskaya will bring cookies again?_

Unwittingly, he focused on that thought, and saw - _Ivan_? Cracking his knuckles as he snarled at the Baltics…and thinking about a knitting circle. He was halfway through making his first pair of mittens. Fuzzy ones, with pom-poms. Matthew didn't want to know how many years he'd get in the gulag if he ever let on that he knew about _that_.

Just then, Ivan looked up at him, his trademark bone-chilling smile plastered across his face. Matthew quickly averted his eyes.

All right, all right, he just had to think about something else. Maybe if he thought very loudly, he could block everyone out. He started counting the tiles in the ceiling. 1...2...3...

A hand squeezed his shoulder. "Hey, Matt!" _Man, he's got a nice ass...I'd tap that._

"Eeagh!" He jumped in his seat, and spun around to find Alfred eyeing Ludwig, who was lecturing Heracles on something or other. Ohhhhh, there were things about his brother he _really_ didn't need to know.

"Jeez, what's your problem? I was just coming to tell you we're ending at noon today. Ludwig says we should consult our bosses and think of a plan." _Maybe I'll hit him up for a private conference. Mmmm._

Matthew smiled weakly - "Great." - and watched in horror as Alfred sauntered off.

Okay, okay. It was fine. Everything was fine. It was eleven o'clock. He just had to hang on for one more hour, and then he could go home and have a nice, quiet nervous breakdown. Yes, that was a good plan.

He made it through the hour by alternating between Tino, who was distractedly nibbling on the end of his pen and also apparently enjoyed fighting in cage matches, and Vash, who was carefully cleaning his assault rifle on the conference table, as well as raising a litter of kittens back in Switzerland.

_I...AM...INVINCIBLE! _

_I do hope Mr. Flufflydoodles is getting enough exercise. If he's not tie-tie by sleepytime Princess Cuddlybug won't want to snuggle with him._

__LOOK UPON ME, LESSER MORTALS, AND DESPAIR! RAAAWR!__

* * *

><p>When the meeting was done Matthew practically fled, and didn't stop fleeing until he was safely in his house, with the doors bolted and the phone unplugged so there was <em>absolutely no chance<em> of him coming into contact with anyone else….or their thoughts. Just to be sure, he crawled into bed and covered his head with as many pillows as he could find.

Was it _magic_ making this happen? He could ask Arthur - and then he remembered boxer-briefs. _Itchy_ boxer-briefs. No. He couldn't do that.

With a whimper, he burrowed under the covers and tried not to think about facing them all tomorrow.

* * *

><p>Morning dawned bright and cheerful. Matthew awoke grumpy and positively dreading the day ahead. He dragged himself out of bed and to the meeting, whereupon he was immediately accosted by his brother.<p>

"Matt!" Alfred hurried toward him, eagerly waving a sheaf of papers. "Hey Matt! Guess what?"

He was disheveled, and wearing the same clothes he had worn yesterday, and Matthew could have sworn he saw the faintest bit of a red mark peeking out above his collar - but when he spoke, Matthew only heard the words. No thoughts.

Oh, thank goodness. He almost collapsed with relief. Now if only he could forget every single thing that had happened yesterday...

"Earth to Matt!" Alfred waved a hand in front of his face. "What's with you?"

Ludwig walked past them, and as he did he and Alfred exchanged a look that could only be described as... flirtatious.

Matthew swallowed. "Er...nothing."

END


End file.
